At this time we will have a moment of silence to remember mascots past. The Sixers parted ways with Hip-Hop back in 2011 and still have yet to find a replacement for their fallen leader. The Sixers asked fans to vote in a new mascot after putting down Hip-Hop. The choices were terrible. B. Franklin Dogg, Phil E. Moose and Big Ben. It’s understandable why the position remains vacant with terrible choices like that.
Suggestion to the Sixers, if for some godforsaken reason anyone in the organization ends up reading this, inquire about the rights to Philadelphia Phil and Phillis. The former Phillies mascots fit the Sixers name perfectly, revolutionary characters, and I highly doubt the Phillies have any plans of reintroducing them. Anyway, no charge for that idea Sixers, maybe just respond to my press credential request eventually…
9. Flyers (Dancin’ Shawny/Ice Girls?)
I don’t know if these qualify as mascots, and for the sake of these rankings I’m just going to say they don’t. Apparently the Flyers did have a mascot for a short time back in the 70s named Slapshot. Real creative with the name there 70s Flyers brass, who might as well be the present day leaders as well since Ed Snider likes to think it is still 1975. Anyway, I love the Flyers, but sorry, second-to-last is the best I can do for them in the mascot rankings and that’s only because the Sixers don’t have one at all.
8. Penn Quaker
I can’t fault Penn for their mascot choice, as it is the most logical choice for the university. While they are at least intelligent enough to pick a mascot that fits well, its awesomeness factor is pretty low, as is the Quakers mascot-ing abilities, so they fall to eighth in the rankings.
7. La Salle Explorer
La Salle has gone through quite a few mascots in the past according to their own website. Starting off as a 17th century French Explorer, La Salle went all in for the 60s “space race,” switching to an astronaut. Not sure what the hell they were thinking there, but let’s keep going. The 80s rolled around and La Salle went back to the Explorer. The school retired the Explorer in the 90s for some roided out mascot (no it wasn’t Mark McGwire).
The Explorer returned yet again, making his retirement akin to Brett Favre’s and he still remains today. As far as mascots go, he could be worse (looking at you 90s Explorer), but I’m docking points for La Salle’s frequent switching and they fall to seventh in the rankings.
6. Temple Owl
So according to Temple’s website, Hooter the Owl was picked because owls are intelligent. The school could do worse. The Owl isn’t a terrible mascot, although I find him a bit weird looking. Anyway, Hooter sits at sixth in our rankings, but fourth among ornithological creatures (yes, the Phanatic is a bird).
5. Villanova Wildcat
The Wildcat, like many school mascots, was apparently voted in by students in a contest. Today, Will D. Cat runs the mascot-ing game on the Nova campus. They did have real wildcats for a time, kept in cages, all named Count Villain. So after a few different live cats, the school apparently realized keeping a wildcat was not the most intelligent of choices and switched to a costumed human. While it would definitely be cool if they just had a real wildcat roaming The Pavilion, Will D. Cat isn’t all that bad (which as an SJU alum pains me to say), so he falls to the middle of the pack at number five.
4. Drexel Dragon
So we learn new things every day, like the fact that the Drexel Dragon is named “Mario the Magnificent,” according to the school’s website. Frankly I’m tempted to drop him down the list for that name, but a Dragon is still a pretty cool choice for a mascot. While the Dragon won the tournament we held for City 6 mascots a few weeks ago, he falls to number four in these rankings, as his mascot-ing abilities are average, while his awesomeness is slightly above average.
Swoop is a solid mascot. His mascot-ing abilities and awesomeness are pretty high, but he lacks anything to really distinguish him from the pack. Sorry Eagles, your mascot falls to third in our rankings.
2. Saint Joseph’s Hawk
This may be some home cooking, since I’m went to Saint Joseph’s, but the Hawk comes in second in our rankings. Frankly I don’t feel bad for placing the Hawk this high, because he is superior to all mascots in the city but one. The Hawk literally flaps his wings the entire time he is in the suit. Go ahead, give that a shot, bet its pretty tiring after a minute, let alone a few hours. The Hawk also receives a full ride for his or her abilities, so that’s pretty awesome.
The Hawk also once fought Rhode Island’s mascot. He never stopped flapping his wings! The Hawk Will Never Die!
1. The Phanatic
This is a no brainer. The Phanatic is literally in the Mascot Hall of Fame and has won numerous other awards as well. He’s taunted other teams, is the most sued mascot in history and pissed off Tommy LaSorda so much that the Dodgers manager attacked him. The Phanatic is a treasure. This bird from the Galapagos is a shining example of what all mascots should aspire to be.
There you have it; The Phillie Phanatic is the hands down winner of the mascot rankings, in a race that wasn’t even close.
Think we’re wrong? Let us know your own mascot rankings!
By: Kyle Babcock
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