If you were like us at the BSB, or millions of others who grew up in the late eighties and early nineties, odds are that you have heard of the cult phenomenon known as Space Jam. Those of our time agree that it is quite possibly the best movie of all time. How can anyone come up with a better story than Michael Jordan getting sucked into Looney Tune Land and beating steroid induced aliens in a rousing match of basketball?
We at the BSB are considered, by at least five people (us) and their families, to be the best writers on the planet today, so I feel that it is our responsibility to try and make a sequel to this amazing movie. Since it is a Philadelphia based sports blog, it will obviously be incredible, but it will have a Philadelphia themed plot. The biggest basketball plot in the city today is the tanking being done by teams to land the first pick in this year's draft. So now I present to you, the story of how Andrew Wiggins was sucked into Sixer World to defeat the aliens from South Beach.
We at the BSB are considered, by at least five people (us) and their families, to be the best writers on the planet today, so I feel that it is our responsibility to try and make a sequel to this amazing movie. Since it is a Philadelphia based sports blog, it will obviously be incredible, but it will have a Philadelphia themed plot. The biggest basketball plot in the city today is the tanking being done by teams to land the first pick in this year's draft. So now I present to you, the story of how Andrew Wiggins was sucked into Sixer World to defeat the aliens from South Beach.
It is only a few hours before the draft, and Andrew Wiggins is taking the train in from his hotel in New York City to Secaucus, New Jersey, where he is expected to walk on stage after his name gets called first overall by the Philadelphia 76ers. As he takes his seat on the train, a homeless man is walking around with a cup filled with coins, asking passengers for any donation. Being the generous man that he is, Andrew reached into his pocket and grabs some loose change to give to the man.
As he reaches into the cup to drop the money in, Wiggins is sucked into the cup by some unknown force! His adviser Wayne Knight (Newman from Seinfeld, Michael Jordan's adviser in Space Jam) panics.
"Oh no! Not this again! I seriously thought that was a one time thing. Have the aliens not learned their lesson yet?" exclaimed Newman (I'm just gonna keep calling him Newman since that's what most people know him as anyway). He explained what just happened to everyone on the train, receiving reactions that ranged from "Oh yeah, I loved that movie!" to "I've heard of that movie, but I'm more a fan of the classics, like Hoosiers or Like Mike."
The only one who didn't know what was happening was Wiggins himself, since he was a year old when the movie came out and he was too busy practicing so the Sixers can win a few championships to ever have time to watch it. Anyway, he finally traveled through the vortex and landed into Looney Tune world.
"We are big 76ers fans hers in Looney Tune world, and we are sick and tired of the Miami Heat winning every championship. We need your help to defeat them and bring a champinship parade to Broad Street." said Michael Carter-Williams, dressed in a poorly designed Bugs Bunny costume. Wiggins knew exactly what they meant, as he has been compared to LeAlien James since he started high school.
So a game was organized and the 76ers cleaned the gym and had Daffy Duck (played by Evan Turner) and Tazmanian Devil (played by Spencer Hawes) go to Wiggins' house and fetch his basketball clothes and sneakers. Wiggins shot around in the gym, other Looney Tunes/ 76ers watched in amazement and they had some team bonding exercises.
Finally, the big night was here! Game time was imminent as Wiggins and the Sixers took the court against the Miami Aliens. However, it was a rough start for the the 76ers, as the aliens completely controlled the half.
At halftime, Wiggins gave the team a pep talk, as they munched on Andrew's Secret Snack, which was really a bowl of Pretzel Crisps. Andrew's Secret Snack helped power the Sixers through the third quarter of the game. When the fourth quarter hit, and they were fresh out of pretzel crisps, the Miami Aliens were able to tie the game up. With ten seconds left on the clock, and with the Sixers in need of a boost, Bill Murray shows up out of nowhere!
"Hey Andrew! I'm a big fan of yours as well. I was in this exact situation last movie, let me help you guys get through this. I have the perfect play designed, and it ends with you stretching your arm fifty feet for a buzzer beating layup."
Andrew had no idea what he meant, so the Sixers quickly used another timeout so Bill Murray could explain it to him again. Finally, Wiggins and the Sixers were ready to play. The play was going exactly the same as the last movie, until Wiggins was in the air at the half court circle. But instead of stretching his arm out like MJ did, he decided he really wanted his sneakers to have rocket boosters, which is possible since it was Looney Tune world. Wiggins used that rocket boost and finished with the game winning two handed dunk.
It was a great moment for Philadelphia, Looney Tune world, and Warner Bros especially, since it became the highest grossing sports movie of all time. After saying his goodbyes to Looney Tune World, Andrew Wiggins walked onto the spaceship, which took him to his float at the championship parade on Broad Street.
I know this seems impossible, and it probably is since there are many holes in the plot, but the main lesson here is that, whether its Wiggins, Randle, Parker, or somebody else that gets drafted, we will be able to defeat any life form in order to march down Broad Street one day.
By: Dan Goggin
As he reaches into the cup to drop the money in, Wiggins is sucked into the cup by some unknown force! His adviser Wayne Knight (Newman from Seinfeld, Michael Jordan's adviser in Space Jam) panics.
"Oh no! Not this again! I seriously thought that was a one time thing. Have the aliens not learned their lesson yet?" exclaimed Newman (I'm just gonna keep calling him Newman since that's what most people know him as anyway). He explained what just happened to everyone on the train, receiving reactions that ranged from "Oh yeah, I loved that movie!" to "I've heard of that movie, but I'm more a fan of the classics, like Hoosiers or Like Mike."
The only one who didn't know what was happening was Wiggins himself, since he was a year old when the movie came out and he was too busy practicing so the Sixers can win a few championships to ever have time to watch it. Anyway, he finally traveled through the vortex and landed into Looney Tune world.
"We are big 76ers fans hers in Looney Tune world, and we are sick and tired of the Miami Heat winning every championship. We need your help to defeat them and bring a champinship parade to Broad Street." said Michael Carter-Williams, dressed in a poorly designed Bugs Bunny costume. Wiggins knew exactly what they meant, as he has been compared to LeAlien James since he started high school.
So a game was organized and the 76ers cleaned the gym and had Daffy Duck (played by Evan Turner) and Tazmanian Devil (played by Spencer Hawes) go to Wiggins' house and fetch his basketball clothes and sneakers. Wiggins shot around in the gym, other Looney Tunes/ 76ers watched in amazement and they had some team bonding exercises.
Finally, the big night was here! Game time was imminent as Wiggins and the Sixers took the court against the Miami Aliens. However, it was a rough start for the the 76ers, as the aliens completely controlled the half.
At halftime, Wiggins gave the team a pep talk, as they munched on Andrew's Secret Snack, which was really a bowl of Pretzel Crisps. Andrew's Secret Snack helped power the Sixers through the third quarter of the game. When the fourth quarter hit, and they were fresh out of pretzel crisps, the Miami Aliens were able to tie the game up. With ten seconds left on the clock, and with the Sixers in need of a boost, Bill Murray shows up out of nowhere!
"Hey Andrew! I'm a big fan of yours as well. I was in this exact situation last movie, let me help you guys get through this. I have the perfect play designed, and it ends with you stretching your arm fifty feet for a buzzer beating layup."
Andrew had no idea what he meant, so the Sixers quickly used another timeout so Bill Murray could explain it to him again. Finally, Wiggins and the Sixers were ready to play. The play was going exactly the same as the last movie, until Wiggins was in the air at the half court circle. But instead of stretching his arm out like MJ did, he decided he really wanted his sneakers to have rocket boosters, which is possible since it was Looney Tune world. Wiggins used that rocket boost and finished with the game winning two handed dunk.
It was a great moment for Philadelphia, Looney Tune world, and Warner Bros especially, since it became the highest grossing sports movie of all time. After saying his goodbyes to Looney Tune World, Andrew Wiggins walked onto the spaceship, which took him to his float at the championship parade on Broad Street.
I know this seems impossible, and it probably is since there are many holes in the plot, but the main lesson here is that, whether its Wiggins, Randle, Parker, or somebody else that gets drafted, we will be able to defeat any life form in order to march down Broad Street one day.
By: Dan Goggin
RSS Feed
