I don't care if he's the flavor of the week, Jimmy Fallon is not good at stuff. He does nothing that you and I couldn't do on a daily basis. His whole career was started on the fact that he was memorable for ruining sketches on SNL by laughing in the middle of them. If ruining an SNL sketch can make you star then why was Seth Meyers never a star? Scratch that, he ruined most of SNL since 2003 with his writing, but that still got him the job of replacing Fallon on Late Night. I will admit, Jimmy Fallon has won over most Philadelphians through the years by making The Roots his in-house late night band, and the Roots are totally awesome, but that isn't quite enough. This all being said, I still like Jimmy Fallon a lot as a human being. It's like how I don't give a shit about the new Mandela movie, but I wanna see it do good because I love Idris Elba and Bono. I hope you have a successful career, Jimmy Fallon, but not at the expense of the next two.
Edit: U2 is the first musical guest on the new Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon?! I wrote that part about Bono before I even knew that. I'm sorry I take it all back. You're a-okay with me, Jimmy Fallon. I'd probably move you up to number 2 over Letterman, but that'd be a lot of work at this point.
2. David Letterman
Sorry, but a new Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon should not be enough to dethrone David Letterman. He may be a bit dated, but it's David f'n Letterman. He got where he is by being better than Jay Leno, a lot better. From Will It Float? to Is This Anything? Letterman had the market cornered on random nonsensical bits. I used to watch Dave as a 10 year-old and dammit, I appreciated it. Letterman is now the longest running late night talk show host and even though he's kind of a dick, that's the reason we love him. It's also the reason we love the #1 talk show host and the reason the always-eager-to-please Jimmy Fallon isn't #1.
Edit: Did you hear Will Smith and U2 are Fallon's first guests? Dave, he's playing hardball. In fact, now that I think of this, I kind of only gave you #2 because of seniority. I'd probably push you back to 3, but that's a lot of work to shuffle paragraphs around.
1. Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Fallon will never overtake the legend that David Letterman has built. He doesn't have what it takes, but Jimmy Kimmel sure as hell does. Ever since Kimmel debuted on ABC in 2003 he has always had an edge over everyone else. If you enjoyed life, laughing and general happy things there's a good chance you watched The Man Show on Comedy Central, which is where we were first introduced to Jimmy Kimmel. He was hysterical there, alongside co-host Adam Carolla and continued that streak when he was hired by ABC to challenge the titans of late night, Letterman and Leno. Everything Jimmy touches turns to gold and it all comes so effortlessly. His band-leader, Cleto Escobedo, seems like one of the most likable people on Earth. Can't even tell what it is, but dammit would I like to have a beer with Cleto. The other likable parts of the show include people that are generally funny on their own and were a part of Kimmel's life before the show got popular like security guard Guillermo, Cousin Sal and his Uncle Frank (God rest his soul). I was at the studio once to see the show and the security guards asked me who I was there to see. My options that night were the most recent Bachelor (Jason Mesnick), Evangeline Lilly from Lost, or the New Kids on the Block. I said I was there to see Guillermo and Uncle Frank and they immediately moved me to the front row. That's the kind of audience interaction I just don't see Fallon or Letterman putting the effort in for. I could be wrong, but that was just a side story. It doesn't change the fact that Kimmel is generally funnier than Letterman and Fallon. Kimmel got his start on KROQ in Los Angeles where almost everyone else that has ever had anything to do with radio station has blown up. See Adam Carolla, Kevin & Bean, Dr. Drew, Mike Catherwood (Dancing with the Stars), Ralph Garman (Family Guy, Sharktopus) etc. Kimmel doesn't just have late night figured out. He has comedy figured out. Jimmy Fallon's new Tonight Show will soon premier on NBC, and I will still be watching Kimmel. Jimmy Fallon is likable, but Jimmy Kimmel is the reigning King of Late Night and will be until they give me & Kyle a show. Kyle can be the band leader. If I want a bitter old man I'll watch Letterman. If I want a person begging for my attention and approval I'll watch Fallon. If I want hilariousness and a damn good way to end the shitty work day I'll watch Jimmy Kimmel.
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