Wait, that’s not right. Let’s try that again….Philadelphia 76ers nicknames!!! I will quickly go through the current Sixers roster and determine a fitting (and hopefully appropriate) nickname for a few players.
Evan Turner: “Evantually”
When drafted as the number 2 overall pick in 2010, the Sixers were expecting big things from Mr. Turner. Although he has been a solid contributor, Turner has not seized the leadership role he was projected to have by now. When will he take over as the leader of this squad? This season is as good of a time as any, since he is due for a new contract pretty soon. If not this season, then hopefully Evantually.
Spencer Hawes: “Bigger Country”
Big Country has already been taken by Bryant Reeves, so we need a nickname that not only emphasizes Hawes’ size, but his demeanor as well. Hawes is large man and not only can he stroke it from mid-range, he has also displayed an interest in international politics. Bigger Country seems to be a good fit.
Lavoy Allen: “Oh Boy Lavoy”
Rule #45 in the official Broad Street Beat rulebook: if you can fit a short phrase on the back of your jersey and it rhymes, you have to go with it. Hey, I don’t make the rules; I just write them down and enforce them. It’s short, it’s sweet, and it gets fans 47% more excited on average to watch him play, according to a study I just made up.
Kwame Brown: “Kwame Brown”
We at the Broad Street Beat have made friends from many different geographical regions of the United States. Our Washington DC based friends hold a grudge for Kwame Brown unlike anything I have ever witnessed. We now know that, although Kwame is not ever going to be a star in this league, he is a serviceable player for any team. Therefore, his nickname will have to remain serviceable as well.
Michael Carter-Williams: “MCW”
Not yet established in Philly, MCW will have to resort to his initials for now. Also I’m pretty sure that if you have a hyphened last name, you have to go by your initials. It sounds much cooler that way.
Thaddeus Young: “Thaddeus”
Go ahead; take a quick tally of all the Thaddeus’s you know. If you’re like me, or 99% of all Americans, you probably know just one: Mr. Young. Why let this rare commodity go to waste? Thaddeus is a pretty sweet name and it brings a level of sophistication to Sixers that no other NBA team can match.
Nerlens Noel: “Fresh Prince”
Certainly a fitting nickname for Nerlens: He sports the freshest flat top seen in Philadelphia in the last 20 years. Even Will Smith seems impressed.
Jason Richardson: “That guy who dunked a ton 11 years ago”
Although it may not fit on the back of a jersey, this guy was a phenomenal dunker at the beginning of his career. Yep, this is the same Jason Richardson who won back to back slam dunk titles in the early 2000s. Now just a shell of his former dunking self, Richardson has worked on other areas of his game, such as three point shooting and perimeter defense, to remain a serviceable player in the NBA. Lookout though, he still has the ability to travel back in time momentarily and deliver a retro rim rattling dunk every once in a while.
These are just some ideas of Sixers nicknames. Of course I’m not perfect, so please share with us your ideas for any of the players listed above or for any players not listed. The Broad Street Beat is anxious to hear your input.
By: Dan Goggin
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